Article from the Past – Compuana

I was digging through some old files and I came across an article from a friend and writer of mine. We had some great times in the beginning of this magazine and look forward to many more.

Section Title: The Zen of Rew

Article Title: Compuana

There are thousands and thousands of books addressing every subject imaginable about computers. Though before indulging ourselves in the abundance of knowledge, we must have the appropriate mindset and being; we must achieve some level of Compuana.

CompuWHAT?!
Let’s get familiar with the terms.

Compuana: Knowing your computer’s place in the universe and your life. Compuana isn’t knowing everything about the computer, but having the ability to learn everything the quickest and most efficient way. You and your computer are in perfect symbiosis.

Cogma: The sacred texts having to do with Compuana. Not all existing texts have been discovered, and only PING! Zine has access to the originals.

Rewmanian: Current language of the Cogma, though the information was first obtained, of course, in binary.

The Rew: The enlightened individual who discovered Compuana and wrote much of the Cogma.

Celation: The relationship between you and your computer.

The Fog: What prevents normally intelligent people from using common sense when working with computers.

Each month, I plan to take a passage from the Cogma to help your elevate your status of Compuana. I’ll first give you the text, and I’ll include some commentary at the end if you have difficulty in understanding the truths.

An excerpt from Pojincaca, loosely translated to “Position”:
The powerful stallion bends his knee without hesitation at his master’s command. We must ponder: The magnificent animal could easily destroy the physically inferior being that is his master; yet on he works with every ounce of his soul. For what purpose? Purpose indeed. He would be as the teapot without her tea, as a toilet without her solidified flatulent; though the task is arduous, true reward is in the journey rather than the destination. Work was intended for man to live, yet computer’s breath exists only so it may work. For this respect is deserved yet seldom given.* When has a painter bellowed towards his brush and damned his canvas and has not known without these he would cease to be? Perhaps the brain has been informed, but the mind has not realized. Must you whip the stallion, as it was the fault in the instruction? Must you treat the servant as a whore? Be gone Balaam**! Be gone.

This passage basically tells us that the computer can do amazing things, and it does it just to please his user. Without the user, the computer serves no purpose, and there is no reason for it to exist. The computer will work the best it can, the fastest it can, and the longest is can without revolt or rebellion. For this, the computer should be treated with care and respect, including treats of cooling and upgrades, so it can serve you better as it so desires. The passage also stresses that the computer does not want to do wrong, it is the user’s fault whenever things do go wrong. Frustration is futile and will only make things worse, stay cool and calm when with your working and keep the celation at its best!

*(Work… given) This is one of my favorite parts of this passage, and it’s a truth that I feel we should all be more aware of. Keep your job only because you need it to survive; do not survive just to do your job.

**Balaam: Reference to the biblical character (Numbers Chapter 22) and the story concerning his donkey. Balaam whipped his donkey for not doing as he had wanted, but in the end it was for Balaam’s own good.

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